The quiet side of trauma

Quiet trauma matters.

It shapes how we experience life.

Many of us think of trauma as something dramatic, violent, or extreme. But trauma can also be quiet and hidden. It can settle in our bodies without our permission. It can show up in how we react, how we connect — or don’t connect — with the people we love.

This week, I want to start a gentle conversation about four types of trauma that touch the lives of so many people around the world. Some may sound familiar. Others may surprise you. The purpose isn’t to label or diagnose — but to help you explore your story with a little more understanding, and maybe a little more compassion.

The four types of trauma

To understand how trauma might still be shaping your life today, we need to gently name it.

There are four distinct types of trauma. These categories are not about comparing pain or ranking who had it worse—they’re simply here to help us see more clearly:

• An unresolved wound from childhood, whether you remember it or not.
• A horrific loss or abuse, such as the death of a loved one or violation of your body or mind.
• A catastrophic or destabilizing event, like COVID or job loss.
• A complicit or harmful society, where systemic neglect or discrimination continues.

Childhood wounds

I often describe my childhood as barren. Desolate. Emotionally sterile. And when I think about the long-term impact, I realize that trauma left me — and many others — emotionally undernourished.

Wounds from childhood — big or small — can leave a deep mark on our soul. If you weren’t offered safety, love, or comfort when you needed it most, you might have learned early on that love is something you have to earn. What many of us came to believe was this:

I
Am
Not
Lovable

When your pain was dismissed with words like “suck it up” or “stop crying,” or when fear and discipline replaced warmth and care, you didn’t just feel hurt — you felt alone. Many of us froze in those moments, and that frozen fear still lives in us today. It shows up when we’re triggered, when we feel rejected, or when we overwork ourselves trying to prove we’re “enough.”

I sometimes call this chasing the rainbow — the lifelong attempt to finally win the love we needed as children. But healing begins when we learn to give that love to ourselves.

Horrific losses

The second kind of trauma involves the deep rupture of loss, abuse, or violation. This might include the death of someone close to you, rape, or enduring physical or emotional abuse. Even if these things happened long ago, they can live in the body and nervous system like they happened yesterday.

If you’ve lived through something like this, please know you are not alone. I hope, if and when the time feels right, that you will reach out to professionals who are trained to walk beside you in your healing journey. Compassionate support exists.

— And you deserve it.

Catastrophic events

The third kind of trauma shows up in the face of massive life disruptions: pandemics, war, or economic collapse. These events overwhelm our nervous systems and can shatter our sense of control.

Today, many people are bracing for another wave of instability: a possible recession, widespread layoffs, and rising costs amongst our global trade partners. These societal stressors aren’t just economic — they’re emotional. And like COVID, they may leave behind layers of hidden grief, fear, or burnout.

Sometimes we think we’ve moved on or even that it doesn’t affect us personally. But the impact of large-scale trauma can linger quietly. If, lately, you’ve noticed that you are more irritable, more tired, or less connected to joy than before — these global events may be part of your unease.

If you’d like, you might continue with:

A complicit society

The fourth kind of trauma comes from living in a world that looks away. This kind of trauma is harder to name — but is just as real. It comes from living in a society that looks the other way. A society that ignores harm.

In Canada, we must acknowledge how deeply this affects Indigenous people and other marginalized communities. Imagine, for a moment, if you were taken from your mother as a child. If you were abused or neglected by the very institutions meant to care for you. If you didn’t have access to clean water or compassionate health care. And then imagine being told you should “get over it.”

That kind of trauma doesn’t fade easily. It gets passed from generation to generation. And even today, it makes connection harder — for parents, for children, and for entire communities.

It would be hard to feel safe. Harder still to believe you’re worthy of care or love. That, too, is trauma. And healing requires more than one individual — it calls for collective awareness and compassion.

For those that want to go deeper

If you’re curious about how trauma can linger in the body and mind, here are two gentle starting points:

Tap to learn more

You don’t have to read these right away. But if you’re in a reflective season, they may help you take your next step with greater clarity and compassion.

• The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) offers a clear breakdown of numerous types of trauma—such as childhood neglect, bullying, and medical trauma. Naming these experiences matters. Not just for your own healing, but for understanding the emotional landscape your children and grandchildren might be navigating, too.
• Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s book, The Body Keeps the Score, explains how trauma lives in the body. It blends neuroscience, storytelling, and real-world healing practices. Many find it transformative.

So far, we’ve explored how trauma can take many forms — childhood wounds, horrific loss, catastrophic events, and the harm caused by a society that turns away. You might still be thinking about your own story, or perhaps someone else’s.

Either way, what matters next is how we respond to that awareness — with softness, with honesty, and with care.

Reflective prompt

If you’ve been silent for a long time, maybe today is the day to peek behind the curtain — just a little. Healing doesn’t happen all at once. But it begins the moment you’re willing to look.

Healing from trauma — of any kind — begins with awareness. With honesty. And with small, loving questions like:

— What’s missing in my life?
— What am I still carrying that’s not mine to carry?
— What would it take to feel safe enough to soften?
— Am I willing to go inward and explore?

You are welcome to share your thoughts with me in confidence, or keep them close.
Either way, your voice matters.